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The truck driver said, “What’s wrong? I thought nerds were in season.” “Well, sure,” said the patrolman, “But you can’t bait ‘em.”One day, a man came home and was greeted by his wife dressed in a very sexy nightie. “Tie me up,” she purred, “and you can do anything you want.” So he tied her up and went golfing.A woman came home, screeching her car into the driveway, and ran into the house. She slammed the door and shouted at the top of her lungs, “Honey, pack your bags. I won the lottery!” The husband said, “Oh my God! What should I pack, beach stuff or mountain stuff?” “Doesn’t matter,” she said. “Just get out.”A Polish immigrant went to the DMV to apply for a driver’s license. First, of course, he had to take an eye sight test. The optician showed him a card with the letters: ‘C Z W I X N O S T A C Z.’ “Can you read this?” the optician asked. “Read it?” the Polish guy replied, “I know the guy.”Mother Superior called all the nuns together and said to them, “I must tell you all. Mom was on the thin side, but had decent sized hips and boobs. And legs, as they’d say, that went all the way up.“I’ll take your silence as an admission of guilt. Or maybe you’re not so guilty, as your father is probably ninety percent to blame, but still. You’re not innocent.”She stepped out of her slacks, which joined her blouse and bra. When she took off her panties, she swung them around her finger and let them fly into the basket. Mom was naked.“Perhaps I should mention that your father has admitted his guilt. However, dear, I’m not terribly angry about it. I’m not pleased, of course, that your father cheated on me, although in most ways it’s better that he did it with you than someone he just picked up. And he’s why you had me get you those birth control pills, isn’t that right? For which you deserve some credit, I suppose.”Mom sat on the foot of the bed and patted the space next to her. I sat next to my naked mother. There were inches of space between us. Her skin still looked.
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